2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
