I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
