So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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