...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
