i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
