I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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