Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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