Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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