I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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