I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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