he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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