Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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