You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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