Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im holly from the hills drunk
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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