So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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