Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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