Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
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I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
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He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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