we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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