We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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