I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
