The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
