I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sext me about skeletons
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
