You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
