i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Girls should come with a carfax report
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
