I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
