my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He? As in you personified your dick?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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