I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
