my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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