it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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