So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
