That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
