my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
