Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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