life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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