I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize