They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
