You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
