For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
