I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So here I am, sexting at work.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
