oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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