This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
