I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
