Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
