He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
