I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
