There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
