Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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