OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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