my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
