i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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