so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
