What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
