he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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