I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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