This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
