Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
