..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
