i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
