just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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