she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
