He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
