Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
