you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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