You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
