i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
