Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
