left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
