Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
babies were throwing up all over the place
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
