So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
