you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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