u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
