I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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