Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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