I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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