I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
