over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
