took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
