I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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