I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You need a sexual gate keeper
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize