that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
