6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
