it's not cheating when I paid for it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
