I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
