OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
