onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
