I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
