just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
How's work?
Spinning.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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