Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
