I'm lost and stupid without you.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
