I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
